greatdeliverer | Open RP Post

Higgs snorts darkly. "Just me and my thoughts. I never really noticed where they were headed. Not until it was too late to turn back."

It had been a "perk" of being the Herald. It's hard to let a little thing like wanting to die stop you from showing off how fruitless and pointless continuing to live is.

Of course, that had all been Amelie's doing. Except for the self-loathing; that had all been Higgs.

He suddenly, desperately, wishes he'd known Higgs before Amelie had gotten to him. Had known the man in the journal who had just wanted to bring people together. Before Higgs had given up on everything.

It breaks his heart, that Amelie had turned him into this. But maybe it had always been too late, and Higgs was headed down that path anyway. Maybe there was nothing Sam could have done.

You didn't save shit.

"It's hard. To be alone with your thoughts," he finally says. "Any sort of nasty thing can creep in there."

"No arguments here."

The fact that he's able to have a conversation with someone about this at all is kind of baffling. He wouldn't have been able to do it before. He's not sure he's ever wanted to be close enough to anyone.

Sam's just special like that. A 'bridge'. "Bein' a porter's about the worst job possible for someone who shouldn't be alone with his thoughts."

Edited 2021-05-18 04:00 (UTC)

"That's the truth." He rubs at his shoulder where one of the scars is from wearing his pack so much.

"You ever talk to yourself, when you were on deliveries? I know you know I do."

"Sure did," Higgs admits easily. "Especially when I was a kid doin' it. There's a lot of scary shit out in the world, better to keep your mind off of things."

He knows Sam is aware of that part of his past, but maybe not just how young Higgs was. Higgs isn't entirely sure himself, truthfully.

"I'd whistle a lot, to keep occupied. Or tell myself I was doing a good job." He winces, because that sounds pathetic when he says it out loud.

"Sometimes, if I remembered to get it out of my locker, I'd play the harmonica when I set up camp somewhere." The same song, every time. Always his dad's lullaby.

"Think I saw that a couple of times," Higgs admits sheepishly. "You always played a pretty song on it."

Sam's other statement doesn't even cross his mind as particularly off. Largely because Higgs had been doing just the same. "They never had many safe places to hide where I'm from. If I needed to sleep, it was usually in some cave or some pre-Stranding rubble."

"Caves are still your safest bet, probably. Unless there's a waystation nearby along your route. Or a timefall shelter."

He smiles, that odd half smile, at Higgs saying his song is pretty. "It's the same song I always whistled. It's uh. It's a lullaby."

"Weren't any timefall shelters out West. I think that was a perk reserved for people kissing the UCA's ass." Not that he's bitter about that. A timefall shelter would have been wonderful, though too exposed for him to sleep.

"You play it for her?" he asks, motioning towards Lou.

"Yeah, I didn't get any of that until I started working for Bridges," he agrees, not blaming Higgs at all for being bitter. Bridges could have built a hundred more of those shelters for people out in the West, but they didn't.

Sam nods, watching Lou suck her thumb in her sleep. "Yeah, I'd play it for her. Or whistle it, hum it. Usually calmed her down pretty well."

Sam's fondness for Lou gets Higgs to smile. It's genuine, too natural to be something forced or awkward. "Makes sense. Bridges called 'em tools, but at the end of the day, they are babies."

"I always hated that. It's just a piece of equipment, don't get attached. They took her away from me for a while, to uh. Reset her, I guess. Because we were becoming bonded.

Didn't work that well, obviously."

He looks over to the sleeping baby with a frown.

Back in his own mind, it sounds absolutely ghastly. Who the fuck would do something like that? "...That or somebody neglected to do his or her job. Your choice if it was intentional or incompetence."

"I think our bond is just too strong, me and Lou. They did their best, and it worked for a little while, but in the end she's my partner."

Lou yawns a little and shifts in her sleep, and the world goes rosy soft like it always does when Sam's full attention is on his daughter.

Well, Higgs isn't about to argue with something like that. He can't help the little smile. He doesn't know the first thing about children, really; wouldn't want anything to do with them, but he gets it, on some level.

"Glad it worked out for ya."

"Thank you, by the way. I know I just sort of announced I was staying here. But thank you for not kicking us out. It means a lot."

He's just so tired of taking orders all the time. Being told where to go, what to do, how long to stay somewhere, how fast to get there -- it was all so goddamned exhausting. It had felt good, for once, to be able to say this is where we are now.

Higgs hesitates. Not because he wants to refuse to help Sam, but because this is clearly the first time in his life Higgs has had someone thank him. "Uh, don't mention it. Least I could do after chasin' you across the continent."

Not that he wants anything to do with that shit now. He'd rather stay in this shelter and never leave.

It's a cop-out. A brush off sort of reply, but Sam can't help but wonder if that don't mention it isn't altogether serious. Maybe Higgs, deep down, is just as awkward as he is.

"Maybe we should get some sleep. In the morning, we can make a list of what we might need, if we're going to be here, for a while."

It's not what he expects. He expects Sam to be gone first thing in the morning, but he has a feeling he won't be. He's not sure how to feel about it. "Right. Er, sorry about the state of the place. No furniture 'n all."

Not that the cot is really a bed to begin. "It ain't too cold, is it? Concrete floor and all."

Edited 2021-05-22 04:45 (UTC)

"I think we both know I've slept in worse and weirder places." He curls up next to Lou on the floor, lightly touching her cheek. "She seems warm enough, at least for the night. We'll both be fine.

You gonna be okay? That thing looks about half your size," he teases a little, nodding towards the cot.

Higgs huffs at the question. It's not a laugh, or a complaint. Just a noise as he works out what to say. "I'll manage." It is much too small for him, that is definitely true.

But like Sam, Higgs is used to sleeping in awkward places and positions. Even if he does sleep like someone half his size. "Maybe in the morning I'll see if I can convince some porter to bring us breakfast." It's a joke, mostly, but there is a note of sincerity to it; that maybe Higgs really does want Sam to be there in the morning.

"Breakfast sounds fantastic." And there's a sincerity there in return. Yes, he's going to be here in the morning. And yes, he'd share breakfast with Higgs. "Add that to the list. Breakfast, blankets. Real furniture. Place could use some sprucing up."

...Wow. And here he was not expecting Sam to say anything at all. "Sounds like we've got a plan."

It's strange, finding himself looking forward to something. He hasn't experienced it before.

"Always good to have a plan." He gives Higgs a thumbs up from his position on the floor.

The talking has woken Lou up a bit, and Sam strokes her hair, humming his dad's lullaby softly to her to get her to settle in again.

Higgs falls silent, feeling awkward. After everything that's happened, he's still not sure why he deserves what feels an awful lot like Sam's trust.

"...Guess we should all get some sleep," he settles on. It's said tentatively, like he's still not sure what to think of the whole situation.

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