"I've gotten a few of those. The trust-building deliveries. Bring me my camera, or my toolbox -- or my girlfriend. And then we'll see if I can trust you.
Never made sense to me. If you trust me enough to go get something that important to you, then trust me the rest of the way."
"It's a pretty good story, yeah." Sam debates for a moment, but... no one ever asks him about work. They just pat him on the head and send him on the next delivery.
So he tells Higgs the story of the Junk Dealer and the Chiral Artist. How it really didn't matter, to him, if the the Junk Dealer joined the UCA or not, what really mattered was that his girlfriend was alive, and Sam was going to find her, hell or high water.
"And I did. And she asked to be brought back to him, so I did that too. Brought them back together."
He won't tell him about the follow-up e-mails. The wedding, the divorce. He kind of hopes the Junk Dealer did find her again. That they were able to work things out, in the end. It's nicer than the alternative.
"The tar does tend to creep. Hopefully they're all okay.
I'll tell you though, it was weird, delivering a live human. Knowing you have someone on your back makes you walk a lot more carefully."
"I can imagine." It sounds like so much pressure to him, so many chances for something to go horribly wrong. People just aren't replaceable like cargo. "I can understand why you'd have to carry someone on your back, though. If they don't got DOOMS, the chances of something bad happening are much higher. It ain't like a team of Porters with odradeks on their side."
Hell, even Higgs only had the ability to sense them. Not paying attention could mean death.
"And they don't know the terrain like we do. We can't expect them to scale cliffs or forge rivers like we're used to. Much better to carry them.
Besides, probably not the heaviest cargo I've carried," He shrugs, grabbing another Monster for himself and cracking it open. "The hardest part is the balance. You don't want to fall over and slam their face into some rocks."
Higgs snorts, but it's pretty clear it's amusement more than anything else. "You, being careful? I saw you eat shit all the time." Maybe that's another thing he shouldn't be talking about, given his bizarre and unsettling obsession with Sam.
But that had largely been the work of the Extinction Entity. "Besides, even if you're a prepper who knows everything you can, you don't realize just how different the world is from your underground shelter." ...He really can't stop talking about himself. Maybe it's not a great sign that he wants to talk with Sam so easily.
"Oh no, I definitely ate shit a lot," he laughs, shaking his head and sipping at his drink. "I ate shit all the time. But never with a person on my back."
Sam nods thoughtfully, "I met a few who were excited to be connected to the network. To see outside their own homes, they said. But they still never left."
Higgs finishes off his own drink, pulling a face, but setting the empty can down on the floor all the same. "Probably a lot safer that way. People aren't replaceable."
As for the network... it's a good point, really. "Even folks terrified of the outside world seek out connections. It's a pretty big inconsistency, if you think about it."
He sighs, rubbing at his temples. "It must have been easier, before the Stranding."
"It's weird, being a porter. You make all these connections with people without ever actually meeting them." At least he knows that despite helping Amelie with her plan, ultimately, setting up the chiral network was a good thing. He'd seen it in action, with the doctor and the mountaineer.
He doesn't say anything right away yet again. Like he's figuring out what to even say to that. He hasn't been that man who wanted to bring people together for a very long time now.
Even without the Extinction Entity in his head, he doesn't want to be that person again. "You get that a lot. Everyone uses those damn holograms instead."
"Useful if you don't want to be seen, I guess," he points out. Higgs never had to come to the door to grab his packages. He could just wait for them to be delivered and leave a review.
"Well, when you leave it on the default, sure. But in my experience people rely on them heavily. It's almost I know Bridges has access to color ones, even. So you're not stuck talking to someone in black and white." He's not going to argue he'd never greeted Sam with the shelter's hologram, though.
That would have been completely stupid for a number of reasons. It's not his fault that Bridges is staffed by idiots who didn't think anything of the outlandish orders for pizza the strange "Peter Englert" always asked for.
Higgs hadn't even bothered to pretend it wasn't him, for God's sake. "These days folks are so determined to be alone, it takes a long damn time for them to even be interested in reaching out."
"I've seen it go both ways. People who are so determined to be alone, and people who are desperate for the contact."
A lot of times, he's noticed, the people who seem most hellbent on being alone crave contact the most. As he's gotten older, he's found that being totally alone isn't all it's cracked up to be. He thinks -- in fact he's fairly certain -- the same might go for Higgs.
"Maybe," Higgs says. He's not willing to think Sam is referring to him, not really. Better to still think of Higgs as the villain Amelie willed him to be. He blinks around the mostly empty room.
...It really can't barely be considered a home. Doesn't even have a bed. "I would see it out West. Guess it was easier for me to understand where they were comin' from, growing up there 'n all." It had been much easier for them to trust him than it would have been if he'd been a complete outsider. "But a lot of those folks weren't interested in solidarity so much as they just didn't want anything to do with the UCA."
Higgs doesn't respond to that. He's not really sure what he believes anymore. He'd believed people were worth helping, until Amelie had shown him the futility of his actions. "I got used to it."
...That's definitely revealing too much, but he's just so tired.
Higgs snorts darkly. "Just me and my thoughts. I never really noticed where they were headed. Not until it was too late to turn back."
It had been a "perk" of being the Herald. It's hard to let a little thing like wanting to die stop you from showing off how fruitless and pointless continuing to live is.
Of course, that had all been Amelie's doing. Except for the self-loathing; that had all been Higgs.
He suddenly, desperately, wishes he'd known Higgs before Amelie had gotten to him. Had known the man in the journal who had just wanted to bring people together. Before Higgs had given up on everything.
It breaks his heart, that Amelie had turned him into this. But maybe it had always been too late, and Higgs was headed down that path anyway. Maybe there was nothing Sam could have done.
You didn't save shit.
"It's hard. To be alone with your thoughts," he finally says. "Any sort of nasty thing can creep in there."
The fact that he's able to have a conversation with someone about this at all is kind of baffling. He wouldn't have been able to do it before. He's not sure he's ever wanted to be close enough to anyone.
Sam's just special like that. A 'bridge'. "Bein' a porter's about the worst job possible for someone who shouldn't be alone with his thoughts."
"Sure did," Higgs admits easily. "Especially when I was a kid doin' it. There's a lot of scary shit out in the world, better to keep your mind off of things."
He knows Sam is aware of that part of his past, but maybe not just how young Higgs was. Higgs isn't entirely sure himself, truthfully.
"I'd whistle a lot, to keep occupied. Or tell myself I was doing a good job." He winces, because that sounds pathetic when he says it out loud.
"Sometimes, if I remembered to get it out of my locker, I'd play the harmonica when I set up camp somewhere." The same song, every time. Always his dad's lullaby.
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Never made sense to me. If you trust me enough to go get something that important to you, then trust me the rest of the way."
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Probably a good one, at that. "Can't say I have any delivery stories like that."
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So he tells Higgs the story of the Junk Dealer and the Chiral Artist. How it really didn't matter, to him, if the the Junk Dealer joined the UCA or not, what really mattered was that his girlfriend was alive, and Sam was going to find her, hell or high water.
"And I did. And she asked to be brought back to him, so I did that too. Brought them back together."
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He frowns thoughtfully. "Brave of the Artist's mom to be livin' so close to the tar lake, though. Give how those can grow."
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"The tar does tend to creep. Hopefully they're all okay.
I'll tell you though, it was weird, delivering a live human. Knowing you have someone on your back makes you walk a lot more carefully."
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Hell, even Higgs only had the ability to sense them. Not paying attention could mean death.
...Not that it means much to a repatriate.
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Besides, probably not the heaviest cargo I've carried," He shrugs, grabbing another Monster for himself and cracking it open. "The hardest part is the balance. You don't want to fall over and slam their face into some rocks."
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But that had largely been the work of the Extinction Entity. "Besides, even if you're a prepper who knows everything you can, you don't realize just how different the world is from your underground shelter." ...He really can't stop talking about himself. Maybe it's not a great sign that he wants to talk with Sam so easily.
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Sam nods thoughtfully, "I met a few who were excited to be connected to the network. To see outside their own homes, they said. But they still never left."
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As for the network... it's a good point, really. "Even folks terrified of the outside world seek out connections. It's a pretty big inconsistency, if you think about it."
He sighs, rubbing at his temples. "It must have been easier, before the Stranding."
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Maybe it is connecting people. Helping people.
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Even without the Extinction Entity in his head, he doesn't want to be that person again. "You get that a lot. Everyone uses those damn holograms instead."
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That would have been completely stupid for a number of reasons. It's not his fault that Bridges is staffed by idiots who didn't think anything of the outlandish orders for pizza the strange "Peter Englert" always asked for.
Higgs hadn't even bothered to pretend it wasn't him, for God's sake. "These days folks are so determined to be alone, it takes a long damn time for them to even be interested in reaching out."
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A lot of times, he's noticed, the people who seem most hellbent on being alone crave contact the most. As he's gotten older, he's found that being totally alone isn't all it's cracked up to be. He thinks -- in fact he's fairly certain -- the same might go for Higgs.
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...It really can't barely be considered a home. Doesn't even have a bed. "I would see it out West. Guess it was easier for me to understand where they were comin' from, growing up there 'n all." It had been much easier for them to trust him than it would have been if he'd been a complete outsider. "But a lot of those folks weren't interested in solidarity so much as they just didn't want anything to do with the UCA."
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He thought that was him, for a long, long time. But then he started on Amelie's little mission and the more people he met, the more he wanted to meet.
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...That's definitely revealing too much, but he's just so tired.
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"It was fine. For a long time." Until it wasn't.
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It had been a "perk" of being the Herald. It's hard to let a little thing like wanting to die stop you from showing off how fruitless and pointless continuing to live is.
Of course, that had all been Amelie's doing. Except for the self-loathing; that had all been Higgs.
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It breaks his heart, that Amelie had turned him into this. But maybe it had always been too late, and Higgs was headed down that path anyway. Maybe there was nothing Sam could have done.
You didn't save shit.
"It's hard. To be alone with your thoughts," he finally says. "Any sort of nasty thing can creep in there."
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The fact that he's able to have a conversation with someone about this at all is kind of baffling. He wouldn't have been able to do it before. He's not sure he's ever wanted to be close enough to anyone.
Sam's just special like that. A 'bridge'. "Bein' a porter's about the worst job possible for someone who shouldn't be alone with his thoughts."
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"You ever talk to yourself, when you were on deliveries? I know you know I do."
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He knows Sam is aware of that part of his past, but maybe not just how young Higgs was. Higgs isn't entirely sure himself, truthfully.
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"Sometimes, if I remembered to get it out of my locker, I'd play the harmonica when I set up camp somewhere." The same song, every time. Always his dad's lullaby.
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