"Yeah?" It's Sam's turn to look a little surprised, this time; he hadn't expected Higgs to just -- open up his home to them. Especially after they'd broken in, essentially. But it's not like either of them have anywhere to go, really.
He should leave in the morning. Seek out another prepper he has a good relationship with, ask for their help instead. But something draws him to Higgs. Something he can't quite put his finger on, yet.
"We'd need a little more in the way of supplies, if we're gonna stay." A bed for Lou, for starters.
If Higgs is expecting Sam to stay for longer than a day, it doesn't show on his face. He looks a little puzzled by the request, but doesn't ask for clarification. "Sure, I guess. It's a bit late to be puttin' in an order now, though."
Oh, maybe he misread that. "I mean," he says hesitantly. "If we're staying any longer than a day."
It's not the best idea in the world. But it's also not the worst. Most of the preppers are part of the UCA now. There's a risk in asking them to go back on their promises after he tried to hard to convince them.
Higgs has no loyalties, not anymore. He could damn well be Sam's safest bet.
Something dawns on his face. "Oh, oh... you mean..."
Well. He's not sure what to do with this information; nobody has ever indicated they want his help before. Need, sure, but want? "Well, this here shelter might be a part of the UCA, but it's registered to a very camera-shy fella. I don't think anyone at the UCA would find ordering some furniture all that suspicious."
"When you said you wouldn't kick us out, I just thought -- " He shakes his head, watching Lou slowly doze off rather than looking at Higgs. Embarrassed.
But he didn't say no.
"I'm not great at -- people. That's why I liked being a porter. Deliver the package, get your rating, go. No talking needed."
"You're not the only one." Higgs can't help the awkward grin. "You know, when I was a kid, preppers would always act like they thought I was gonna rob 'em or something." Maybe it's too much to admit, but he's never really talked about it with anyone before.
"Kinda weird thinkin' about, I was just doin' my job, but everyone was so suspicious of a kid doin' it."
"You don't see a lot of young porters out there. Or old ones, for that matter." It's an act of trust, sharing these secrets with each other. The more secrets they share, the more they show they can trust each other.
"It's not that dangerous," he scoffs. Is that too much? It's probably too much. "If I didn't have DOOMs, sure, but I always have. Can sense them, know when they're around." At least until it started to fade... but here in the shelter, that doesn't matter.
Sometimes being a paranoid prepper does have its advantages after all. "People twice my age would chuck packages at the first sign of timefall. Not me."
"Timefall and BTs are only half of it. There's the terrain, MULEs. Overloading and tipping yourself off the side of one of these mountains up here. Not to mention showing up at a stranger's house."
Plenty of downsides to being a porter. Not a lot of upsides. The solitude, maybe. That's the part Sam enjoyed the most, he thought. Being by himself, moving cargo from one place to another.
"I was pretty small, back then. You'd be surprised how easy it was for MULEs not to notice me." It's obvious fro tone along he's never spoken to anyone about it before. "Sometimes preppers would let me stay the night, but usually I found some cave or something and slept there."
"Caves, heavy tree cover. Whatever worked, really," he agrees with a nod. Before he signed on with Bridges, he lived much the same way. Strange to think about, how similar their lives were.
At least sleeping under a tree, no one stole your blood in your sleep.
"Did you ever sneak into MULE camps? Used to be able to reliably get food from them. I'm sure they noticed their supplies going down, but I was quiet; only moved during the night."
Out in the open always leaves you exposed, but Higgs would be lying if he said he didn't prefer it.
"Fuck, man, you're braver than I am. I never would've thought of snagging supplies from MULE camps." He'd always been taught to avoid those camps at all costs, unless you had to go in for stolen cargo. But Higgs never had formal training, did he? He just decided to make it for himself and pulled together a group of people to be porters with him.
"No?" he sounds genuinely surprised at this. "You're always reckless as hell, I'm surprised." But then again, Higgs had been the one always hurting for food.
Though, given how many supplies stolen from Bridges ended up in MULE camps, it is a bit surprising that Sam never robbed them blind even once. Even with his company he'd made it a goal to get all of the missing packages out of the encampments when he'd come across them.
"I should've made up an excuse to make you walk straight through one of their camps during a delivery."
"They would've smelled the pizza a mile away." There's something like a smile on his face. The faintest hint of one. Fucking Higgs and his pizza.
"I can't believe you made me walk from South Knot City to here, with champagne and pizza, on foot because you marked it as hand-carry only. No, wait -- " He holds up a hand, amending. "I can absolutely believe you made me do that. At least you gave me an S-rating for it."
Thinking about the delivery, about how it was marked for an anniversary, leaves an odd knot in his gut. So he won't think about it.
"Guess that's a possibility I can't ignore," Higgs grins. Despite what he's talking about, it's pretty clear he doesn't actually mean anything malicious at all. Of all the things he did, things he couldn't really bring himself to admitting that he'd actually willingly done... well. Getting Sam to deliver him pizza had been almost playfully innocent in comparison.
And he'd always paid Sam well for the deliveries, too. Not like some of the idiots he'd tried when Sam was a little too otherwise busy. "Still a better payout than the shit Bridges gives out. They tried to tempt me over to them more than once."
He had, at that. Never anything less than an S-rating, and plenty of likes as well. Higgs might well have been his most generous client.
Sam snorts at the idea of being tempted over to Bridges. "It wasn't by choice. I would have much rather stayed independent." But apparently a dying woman's wish is enough to bind him into an unwanted contract. Though Amelie had been the one to convince him, really.
"I don't know why anyone would work for them, to be honest." It still doesn't make any sense to him. "Everyone out West were a bunch of paranoid jackasses. Didn't trust me for a long time, neither. Took 'em a while to warm up to me. Got a couple of them workin' for me, eventually. Though I'm sure at least that much is well-known."
The less he thinks about Her the better. It's better this way, to refuse to acknowledge certain things. "Still not really sure why I got folks so interested in that. I never set out to, not really. But all of a sudden everyone wanted to help keep Edge Knot independent."
"People want to work, sometimes. And being a porter gives you a certain amount of freedom. You get to be outside, not stuck inside a building all day, only communicating via hologram.
And the time to yourself, when you're out on a delivery, is pretty nice too." He snorts a little, reaching out to pet the top of Lou's head, ruffling at the hair that's starting to grow in. Dark, like his. She makes a sleepy noise and stretches one of her arms, and Sam feels that familiar sensation of his heart flipping in his chest.
"Most people I met were pretty happy stayin' in their shelters. Guess I can't really blame them. There's something scary about the big, wide world." He doesn't talk about anymore. Hasn't really talked to anyone about it before, but Sam already knows all of his secrets.
"I think I spent a little too long with nothing but my own thoughts, if I'm bein' honest."
"I've met some second generation preppers who have never been outside their homes. It completely blows my mind, thinking about it. Never having seen the outside world."
He nods a little, agreeing. "It can get noisy. Just you and your thoughts. I uh. I whistle a lot. To have something else to concentrate on."
"That was me. Not sure how old I was when I left, to be honest. Know I'm 40 or so now, but that's about it. Maybe thirteen? Don't think I was much older."
It's said casually, but, well... it's not as though it's a cheery subject at all. "I think I've heard you whistle it before," Higgs admits. It's probably more than a little creepy, but it doesn't occur to him not to talk about the shit he did for Amelie until it's out there.
Can he have an age, if he was never really born? His father wondered as much, too. He remembers the birthday cake, the candles. For a birthday that never really was.
Then Higgs's comment makes him exhale what might be a laugh. "Heard me whistle before. You mean when you were following me? I'd do it to keep myself company. Or to calm Lou down, when she was fussing. Back when she was still in the pod."
Higgs doesn't look like he knows what to do with that information. It's becoming a bit of a pattern. "Huh." He leans up against the wall, looking thoughtful.
"I think She was angry I spent so much time following you. Thought my time was better spent elsewhere. I don't... really know why I did it, to tell you the truth." He's wistful as he talks. "Just kinda on autopilot, I guess."
He'd been a puppet. Maybe it was the only thing he'd really done of his own volition.
"She does that. Isolates you from everyone else. Makes you dependent on her. And if she feels like your attention is drifting, she'll fight tooth and nail to get it back."
Sam sighs and rubs his hands over his face. "She knows how to get into your head and fuck with you on such a deep level that you don't know you're being fucked with until it's too late to get out."
He probably shouldn't be saying all this, but who else can he talk to about Amelie? Not any of his friends, they're all in Die-Hardman's cabinet. All wearing that fucking quipu in remembrance, or whatever fucking reason Die-Hardman had come up with.
Which brings up a question that's been bothering him -- "That necklace. The gold one, with the strands and knots. Did she give it to you, or did you take it?"
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
He should leave in the morning. Seek out another prepper he has a good relationship with, ask for their help instead. But something draws him to Higgs. Something he can't quite put his finger on, yet.
"We'd need a little more in the way of supplies, if we're gonna stay." A bed for Lou, for starters.
no subject
no subject
It's not the best idea in the world. But it's also not the worst. Most of the preppers are part of the UCA now. There's a risk in asking them to go back on their promises after he tried to hard to convince them.
Higgs has no loyalties, not anymore. He could damn well be Sam's safest bet.
no subject
Well. He's not sure what to do with this information; nobody has ever indicated they want his help before. Need, sure, but want? "Well, this here shelter might be a part of the UCA, but it's registered to a very camera-shy fella. I don't think anyone at the UCA would find ordering some furniture all that suspicious."
no subject
But he didn't say no.
"I'm not great at -- people. That's why I liked being a porter. Deliver the package, get your rating, go. No talking needed."
no subject
"Kinda weird thinkin' about, I was just doin' my job, but everyone was so suspicious of a kid doin' it."
no subject
Maybe.
"It's a dangerous job, for a kid."
no subject
Sometimes being a paranoid prepper does have its advantages after all. "People twice my age would chuck packages at the first sign of timefall. Not me."
no subject
Plenty of downsides to being a porter. Not a lot of upsides. The solitude, maybe. That's the part Sam enjoyed the most, he thought. Being by himself, moving cargo from one place to another.
But god it did get lonely, sometimes.
no subject
It's a lonely thing to admit, maybe.
no subject
At least sleeping under a tree, no one stole your blood in your sleep.
no subject
Out in the open always leaves you exposed, but Higgs would be lying if he said he didn't prefer it.
no subject
Amazing, really, what he'd managed to do.
no subject
Though, given how many supplies stolen from Bridges ended up in MULE camps, it is a bit surprising that Sam never robbed them blind even once. Even with his company he'd made it a goal to get all of the missing packages out of the encampments when he'd come across them.
"I should've made up an excuse to make you walk straight through one of their camps during a delivery."
no subject
"I can't believe you made me walk from South Knot City to here, with champagne and pizza, on foot because you marked it as hand-carry only. No, wait -- " He holds up a hand, amending. "I can absolutely believe you made me do that. At least you gave me an S-rating for it."
Thinking about the delivery, about how it was marked for an anniversary, leaves an odd knot in his gut. So he won't think about it.
no subject
And he'd always paid Sam well for the deliveries, too. Not like some of the idiots he'd tried when Sam was a little too otherwise busy. "Still a better payout than the shit Bridges gives out. They tried to tempt me over to them more than once."
no subject
Sam snorts at the idea of being tempted over to Bridges. "It wasn't by choice. I would have much rather stayed independent." But apparently a dying woman's wish is enough to bind him into an unwanted contract. Though Amelie had been the one to convince him, really.
More things not to think about.
no subject
The less he thinks about Her the better. It's better this way, to refuse to acknowledge certain things. "Still not really sure why I got folks so interested in that. I never set out to, not really. But all of a sudden everyone wanted to help keep Edge Knot independent."
no subject
And the time to yourself, when you're out on a delivery, is pretty nice too." He snorts a little, reaching out to pet the top of Lou's head, ruffling at the hair that's starting to grow in. Dark, like his. She makes a sleepy noise and stretches one of her arms, and Sam feels that familiar sensation of his heart flipping in his chest.
no subject
"I think I spent a little too long with nothing but my own thoughts, if I'm bein' honest."
no subject
He nods a little, agreeing. "It can get noisy. Just you and your thoughts. I uh. I whistle a lot. To have something else to concentrate on."
no subject
It's said casually, but, well... it's not as though it's a cheery subject at all. "I think I've heard you whistle it before," Higgs admits. It's probably more than a little creepy, but it doesn't occur to him not to talk about the shit he did for Amelie until it's out there.
no subject
Then Higgs's comment makes him exhale what might be a laugh. "Heard me whistle before. You mean when you were following me? I'd do it to keep myself company. Or to calm Lou down, when she was fussing. Back when she was still in the pod."
no subject
"I think She was angry I spent so much time following you. Thought my time was better spent elsewhere. I don't... really know why I did it, to tell you the truth." He's wistful as he talks. "Just kinda on autopilot, I guess."
He'd been a puppet. Maybe it was the only thing he'd really done of his own volition.
no subject
Sam sighs and rubs his hands over his face. "She knows how to get into your head and fuck with you on such a deep level that you don't know you're being fucked with until it's too late to get out."
He probably shouldn't be saying all this, but who else can he talk to about Amelie? Not any of his friends, they're all in Die-Hardman's cabinet. All wearing that fucking quipu in remembrance, or whatever fucking reason Die-Hardman had come up with.
Which brings up a question that's been bothering him -- "That necklace. The gold one, with the strands and knots. Did she give it to you, or did you take it?"
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)